Today October 1, 1983, is the day I was born. This year I turn 26 and realize I have started the downhill path that leads to 50. This best way to describe my life right now is... Chaos. I realize that not only do we have no money for bills, I have no job, 2 kids that I really wish I could afford without public assistance, and they would behave on this day (they really aren't bad they just chose to be butts this day above all others), but I also have no idea where my life is actually going. I want to go back to school and get a degree in Architecture, but how am I going to have time right now when my kids are so young. I also want to try once more for a girl (or do I), but the that would put me 3 more years behind my goal. I wanna go back to work (more so I can be off public assistance than anything else), I want to be successful and not have to worry about where the next house payment is going to come from, or car insurance. I want to be able to go out and have a good time with my family and not have to worry about where the money is coming from. I would love to go out on a date with my husband that is not short changed because the friend who is watching my kids want to go out on that same night (because god forbid we actually get to go out in the first place). I really don't know anymore. It just seems like everyone else can find someone (usually me) to babysit their kids so they can go out but if I want to go out it is ni-on to impossible to find a sitter who will watch the kids no strings attached (meaning cutting it short so they can go out and leave their kids with us)or cutting a deal that they can go out one night and we can the next only that the next night never happens because something always comes up. OI have been married for 3 years now and with him for 6 almost 7 and since the kids were born... I have yet to go anywhere without the kids and just been an adult with my husband that has been a no strings attached deal(except for going to a Disturbed concert while we lived in Maine). I have even offered to pay for a sitter and still no one will watch them.
Sorry for the rant, but I needed to get that out of my system. Should find out Monday if I have a job. Hope it falls through so we can have at least a little more cash in hand. Luckily if it does it is a paid weekly job. As for college I am working on filling out the FASFA right now... Well not exactly at this moment because right now I am typing this. Maybe if I can find a daycare I can go this spring. As for my plans to go out tonight for my birthday (yeah right no such luck), it is storming and I am not going to walk around downtown in a thunderstorm, plus of course no sitter. I am going to call my brother though (he and his bride to be were going to go with us) and see if he wants to come over and play video games and drink some beers and SO-CO.
To everyone who shares this same birthday as I, HAPPY BIRTHDAY, and hope yours is going better than mine.
(To top everything else off my brother just informed me that the present he bought for me in Afghanistan is lost in the mail. Go figure. Well it is the thought that counts.)
Well looks like the mood icon is stuck despite my actual mood. It refuses to change yet again.