OK. Here goes. I supposedly have quite a few friends however none of them apparently can remember my birthday cause none of the people who say they are a friend can even call (now yesterday) and wish me a happy birthday. So I guess I can say that none of the people who SAY they are my friends actually are. However none of this matters because the Vodka is telling me tis time for bed. So good night all.
And the stupid icon thingy hates me cause it still shows JOY, when I am not.

Today October 1, 1983, is the day I was born. This year I turn 26 and realize I have started the downhill path that leads to 50. This best way to describe my life right now is... Chaos. I realize that not only do we have no money for bills, I have no job, 2 kids that I really wish I could afford without public assistance, and they would behave on this day (they really aren't bad they just chose to be butts this day above all others), but I also have no idea where my life is actually going. I want to go back to school and get a degree in Architecture, but how am I going to have time right now when my kids are so young. I also want to try once more for a girl (or do I), but the that would put me 3 more years behind my goal. I wanna go back to work (more so I can be off public assistance than anything else), I want to be successful and not have to worry about where the next house payment is going to come from, or car insurance. I want to be able to go out and have a good time with my family and not have to worry about where the money is coming from. I would love to go out on a date with my husband that is not short changed because the friend who is watching my kids want to go out on that same night (because god forbid we actually get to go out in the first place). I really don't know anymore. It just seems like everyone else can find someone (usually me) to babysit their kids so they can go out but if I want to go out it is ni-on to impossible to find a sitter who will watch the kids no strings attached (meaning cutting it short so they can go out and leave their kids with us)or cutting a deal that they can go out one night and we can the next only that the next night never happens because something always comes up. OI have been married for 3 years now and with him for 6 almost 7 and since the kids were born... I have yet to go anywhere without the kids and just been an adult with my husband that has been a no strings attached deal(except for going to a Disturbed concert while we lived in Maine). I have even offered to pay for a sitter and still no one will watch them.
Sorry for the rant, but I needed to get that out of my system. Should find out Monday if I have a job. Hope it falls through so we can have at least a little more cash in hand. Luckily if it does it is a paid weekly job. As for college I am working on filling out the FASFA right now... Well not exactly at this moment because right now I am typing this. Maybe if I can find a daycare I can go this spring. As for my plans to go out tonight for my birthday (yeah right no such luck), it is storming and I am not going to walk around downtown in a thunderstorm, plus of course no sitter. I am going to call my brother though (he and his bride to be were going to go with us) and see if he wants to come over and play video games and drink some beers and SO-CO.
To everyone who shares this same birthday as I, HAPPY BIRTHDAY, and hope yours is going better than mine.
(To top everything else off my brother just informed me that the present he bought for me in Afghanistan is lost in the mail. Go figure. Well it is the thought that counts.)
Well looks like the mood icon is stuck despite my actual mood. It refuses to change yet again.

The reason why my brother is not home yet other than some woman to busy opening her legs than completing a flight plan properly, is that the commanding officer has his wife with them so he really doesn't care when the others get to go home. He gets to see his spouse so why does he need to hurry them along so they can see theirs. (or their families). They have finally made it to Fort Makoy and will be released sometime between Friday evening and Monday morning, so most likely we will have to postpone his party. I usually have nothing bad to say about the military, however right now people need to set their priorties straight so the rest of them can come home. The rest of the group minus the 6 that were left off of the flight plan and had to spend several more days there are all home. The six however didn't even get to attend the Welcome Home Ceremony at the UofI campus. Hell they were not even in the States yet. To all in the military please take no offense to this as I mean none. Just currently annoyed that my brother is not home yet and his family is frusterated and we all want to see him.

Anyway enough with that.

I have just reciently add newer work, and as soon as I find the rest of it I will add stuff that has not spent 3 years or more on My computer. So feel free to comment on anything and let me know how good or bad my work is. Thanks Everyone

Wow! Another 10 months have passed and I am updating everything photos journal everything so keep watching.

Ok! Here is the lo-down...
1. My brother is stuck in Bangor Me on his way back from Afganistan. Yes the place I once spent a year of my life. Only he is stuck on the airforce base where they had stopped to re-fuel. He was told that the air balencing sensor was out so they will be delayed until it is fixed. Then he has to spend a few days in Fort Makoy (sp?) for a few days then hopefully he will make it home in time for his comming home party Saturday. If not it will have to be put on hold for a week. Boo...

2. Both of my boys are in Early Start now and doing well. Baby can say all of his ABC's now and count to 10 in a month of being there. (Of course he wouldn't learn them for Mommy he had to from a stranger...) He is even more stubborn than ever, but all in all a good kid. He is now almost potty trained and is now 3 going on 40!! My oldest is an old-timmer Early Start student now. He however was not allowed because of age to start Kindergarten. (I really felt that was crap.) However is enjoying school so far and can spell random works he want to learn how too. He actually comes to me and says Mommy how do you spell this and I tell him. He can spell stop, go, love, pizza, Mommy , Mom, Dad, Daddy, and monkey. I think there are a few others in there as well but right now i cannot remember them. At his age though I think that is great. I don't know to many 4 yr olds that can spell. he count to 60 and can repeat almost anything you say to him. He is like a sponge that soaks up everything. He can also read simple books based off of work recongition.

3. My birthday is comming up in 2 weeks. Not sure if I am ready for it but I guess it is comming whether I want it to or not. also My 3 year anniversary is aproching soon...

4. We have finally found a house that we are buying. It is so good to kow that it will be ours and we won't have to rent anymore, and we will have complete say over what gets done to it. (Like if I wanna paint a room purple or black I can or even the brick, not that I would but I could if I wanted too). It has 3 bedrooms, 2 down stairs and the up-stairs is all one room, 2 bathrooms, a huge kitchen, a good size living room a den with a fireplace, a full basement and a huge back yard. I love it. Finally things are really starting to work out for us.
Well that is it for now cause I have to pick the kids up from school. Kepp watching cause hopefully tonight I am going to up-load some new pics to my gallery. Peace

It has been almost a year since I updated. That's crazy. Well a lot has happened in that year.

1) I now have five cats. Yeah I know it is crazy but I do.....

2) I am no longer medicated. I found out the depression meds were making me more crazy and therefore not doing their jobs.

3)Lost a friend

4)Made new friends and gaming buddies.

5) I am trying to get pregnant, but having no luck. I had 2 miscarriages in a 3 month period. In that time thought I was going crazy because of it and gave up for a while because I could not deal with loosing 2 pregnancies.

6)My oldest is now 3 and in a year round school. He is doing so well that he no longer needs speech therapy. They are also despite his age wanting to put him in Kindergarten next year. I am unsure if I really want him to but if they think it will be ok then he probably will. He also can count to 10 in both Spanish and English, and knows and repeats several other words in Spanish. (He so cute when he watches Dora and Diego. Even Kai-Lan) He can say hello and a few random words in Mandarin Chinese. Also he is almost potty trained. YEAH!!!!!!(Well enough so that when he is at home he wears real undies, however now when he is at school or when we are out.)

7)My baby is 2 now. He is such a pain in the butt. However I love him so much. He is too smart for his own good and knows how to break into the kitchen (we have a baby gate up so they cannot get into the kitty litter pans ect.), and how to put it back after he has what he wants. He speaks as clearly as his older brother. (Which is remarkably clear for kids their age)

8) I am now 25 years old and have to move in with my mom again in order to put back money to buy a house. (We have out grown or Shit hole apartment.)This is not where I wanted to be at 25. I feel I have failed somewhere that it has resulted in that if I want my own home I have to move in with Mommy and Daddy just to come up with a down payment. However like a lot of people I know I don't have everything given to me or my family. We have to work for everything we have. Which I don't mind because I know I have accomplished something in my life that they have not. Even though they have people to give them and their kids ( the ones that have kids)everything, I have more because I know it was me that got it not anyone else. I am an adult not a leech of society, family and friends. I will eventually have what I want and then I unlike them can say I did it on my own, and I will have more because when those people who help them out are gone they are going to have nothing.

9) I have now been married for 2 years as of Oct 31. We are still much in love and are happy for the most part. So despite them common out look on marriage. We're doing great.

10) This month is the 2 yr anniversary of Zen's death. We miss him so much and love him. I just hope he has allowed his spirit to move on into his next life so he can finally find the happiness he did not have in this life. Blessed Be Zen. Grimstone the kids and I love and miss you.

Well I think that is everything. Gotta go change my baby's shitty pull-up. He is just starting potty training so he still has quite a few accidents. Later and peace out. Gallery updates are coming soon.